Pragmatism=Determination+Awareness-Confidence-Bliss

It is not sadness that leads me to this conclusion. I am not morose or gloomy. At times, my state, “Like to the lark at break of day arising / From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate” (too many syllables in first line—weird), but, like the lark, my state must return to earth. As “Crash” told “Nuke,” who wanted to just enjoy the “moment,” the moment’s over.

(My roommate recently finished the second draft of a short screenplay--a well-written one, but his first. The next day, he described his emotional state: spiking and plummeting, repeat. Yeah. I offered advice, based on my years of writing experience: get laid, or start working on the next script.)

Keep moving. Not because I’m running away, but because I don’t have the resources to survive in a stopping place. 

Awareness is the stylobate, determination the plinth of the pillar of Pragmatism. Confidence and bliss are the cloying children of Hope, cringing in a corner of Pandora ’s Box. Mixed metaphor aside, the latter do not belong with the former.

"Do you need a match, Joan?"

Her doctor advised her to have a blood transfusion and to take two weeks off because of the miscarriage. She will do neither, in large part because she starts a new job, Monday. As well, she wants to play the heroine for our son. and treat me as her sidekick.

She scheduled a play date for our son without consulting me, and she expected me to pick him up. She claimed she needed rest, and our son needed to socialize; so, it is, from her perspective, necessary for me to help her. She acts as if I haven't been helping her all summer. Hell, my car problems first arose while my son and I were driving through downtown Kansas City, Missouri, when the temperature was 99 degrees, and the heat index 104.

Today, in Lawrence, the temperature is approaching 90 degrees, and the humidity is above 71 percent. I told her it is too dangerous for me to be outside. She had to accept it.

I am immune to her misguided attempts at guilt. I won't play Tonto to her Lone Ranger.

1. An intense week, but the semester's over! Yaaaay!
2. Heat build-up at work was like a giant fist, squeezing out focus, drive, and ability, until little remained but pulp. It was so "gripping," today, so much of my nervous system had shut down that my brain couldn't convince my body to stay in the wheelchair. 
3. My son has decided we should reread The Hobbit.
4. Friday afternoon, July 12, I will present my paper (as yet unwritten), "Science Fiction as Unintended Prescience," at the Science Fiction Research Association's annual conference.
5. The driving arrangement with my ex- has become untenable. Her behavior towards me is erratic, unreasonable, and martyr like. Could this change be the result of her quitting smoking, going off Paxil, and being several weeks pregnant? These--and many other questions.